The 10 Secrets of a Happy Relationship

The statistics on relationships are depressing: in California
alone, the average marriage lasts just 5 years. Nationwide,
43% of marriages end within 15 years. Second and third
marriages end in divorce 60-70% of the time. Clearly, how we
handle our relationships is not working. And yet, 94% of young
adults in one study said that having a good marriage is
extremely important to them. So, what can you do?

We researched much of current the literature on relationships
and have condensed the results into just a few key concepts.
These principles seem to be the common denominators in
happy, successful marriages. See how many you can identify
in your relationship.

Secrets Of

1. It starts with you

The 10 Secrets of a Happy Relationship

To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you are as happy as
you make up your mind to be. Research has shown that
happiness is a state of being, not of having or doing or
achieving. Nor is happiness a destination. People often
say, "I just want to be happy" or "I just want to have a
happy marriage" as if that is a future goal or place in
time. The problem is, they never get there. That's
because the future is... in the future. And the only true
destination is your final day on earth. And then it's too
late. So make the decision to be happier starting today.

There's a relationship benefit as well. The happier you
are with yourself and your life, the more attractive you
are to your partner. Another way to look at this is: if you
were someone else, would you marry you? Start today to
work on being the kind of person you would want to
know, to date, and to marry. If you're not that kind of
person now, how can you expect your spouse to stay
attracted or stay passionate?

2. There's you, there's him/her, and then there's "we".

You don't have to give up your identity or be known
solely as your spouse's partner.

It also doesn't work when two people each do their own
thing without regard to their partner's wishes and
feelings. Marriage is, and should be, more than
cohabitation. As the marriage vows state, "two shall be
as one". That "one" is neither you nor him. The "one" is
a third entity: the relationship, the marriage, the "we".

The "we" is what you share, what you have in common,
the support and nurturing that you cannot give yourself.
Think companionship, intimacy, and sharing.

3. You leave behind your emotional baggage

Are you really over your previous relationship? If not, you
can't fully commit to your spouse. Likewise, if you are
still Daddy's little girl or Mommy's boy, you are not in
control of your own life. Therefore, you cannot fully enter
into an adult relationship of mutual sharing and support.
You can't be accountable to your spouse if you still have
to please Mommy or Daddy.

You can't reach new heights as a person as long as
you're dragging around your emotional suitcases. And,
it's not fair to your partner. If you're dating but not in a
committed relationship right now, consider a time out
while you unpack those bags and resolve those issues
that keep you from being your own man or woman. If
you are committed, a relationship coach can help you
stow your baggage so you can be there completely for
your partner.

4. The marriage comes first

Marriage is supposed to be the strongest bond between
two people. Parents come and go; children grow and
leave. Your spouse is only person to stay with you the
rest of your time on this planet.

Women who say their children come first, usually can
never let the children grow up and become independent
adults because then the primary relationship in these
women's lives would end. So the children never
emotionally leave home and are forever dependent on
the parent. This delights the women because they are
not willing to have their children grow up emotionally and
become independent adults.

Women who say their children come first also seem so
surprised when their mates eventually decide to leave for
someone else who WILL put them first. And finally, when
children are the center of a women's life, and the
children eventually leave, the woman typically feels lost.
Her reason for existing the last 18-22 years has just
moved out. And if she should turn to her partner after a
20 year emotional abscense, it's like going to your high
school reunion. You used to know them but its not the
same now because they've changed.

When partners put the marriage first, friends, relatives,
and acquaintances are still important but they're not
primary. The man and woman, as the principals in the
relationship, are the combined heads of their household.
As such they look to eath other-and no one else-for their
primary comfort and support.

5. Your marriage is your top priority.
You didn't get married to commute two hours a day,
work at the office 60 hours a week, and pay on a
mortgage for 30 years, did you? You probably got
married to share your life-not your bills-with that special
someone. During life's ups and especially during life's
downs, keep in mind why you married in the first place.
It wasn't so you could get a better job, buy a better car,
or obsess over your favorite sports team. Once upon a
time, your partner was the most important thing in this
world to you. If you value your relationship, he or she
still is. Start acting like it again today and every day.

6. Don't compare

This holds true in your life as well as in your marriage.
There will always be a couple that seems happier,
wealthier, sexier, and more perfect than you two are. So
what? Their happiness doesn't increase or diminish your
happiness. Neither does their money, their jobs, their
house, or their prettiness. All that matters is whether you
for you.

7. Don't wonder "what if?"

Wondering what it would be like to be with another
person-for a night or for a lifetime-is self-delusion and is
really unfair to your spouse. You see other people
socially when they are at their best. You see your spouse
when he/she is at his best, her average, and sometimes
at her worst. If you could swap mates, guess what?
You'd see that person at his/her worst, and you probably
wouldn't like what you see. You already have a lot
invested in your partner. Take care of that investment.
The payoff is usually greater than starting all over again.

8. Realize that love can grow.

As much as you were in love when you got married, your
love and commitment to each other can grow over the
years. Despite all the old married jokes and cliches,
marriage can get better, not worse, with time. The
longer you've been married, the more history you have
together.The triumphs and disappointments, the
successes and the failures, all are part of sharing a life
together. And that history is unique to you. No one else
has that or can duplicate it. This is why a man who
leaves his middle aged wife for a younger woman
eventually wants to come back. With his wife he has a
history-a shared past. With the new woman there is only
the present. Leaving his wife permanently is like leaving
himself behind as well. Since she is a part of his past,
she is the best person to be a part of his future.

9. Commitment means "no matter what".

It's as simple as making the decision to be totally
committed to your spouse and to the relationship. No
matter what happens: financially, health wise, or
otherwise. No matter what. Once the two of you have
decided to stay "no matter what", there is no question of
stay or go, yes or no.

Write this down: "ALL RELATIONSHIPS HAVE ISSUES".
Happy relationships always have issues. Unhappy
relationships certainly have issues. It's just that in happy
relationships, the couples identify the issues, negotiate
the issues, and come to terms with the issues. Couples
in unhappy relationships deny, ignore, put up, or run
away.
Once the two of you have made the decision "no matter
what" the emphasis is on the we. And, since we is not
you and not him, the only positions "we" have are the
ones you've decided together. In short, all problems are
negotiable because there are no his problems or her
problems. When one partner has a problem, just having
the problem should be a problem for the other partner.
Therefore, all problems are shared problems. Their
problems require their solutions.

10. Believe that a happy marriage is not only possible, it's
yours for the making.

It won't happen by itself. It takes intention, commitment,
and practice. But the many couples who have happy,
blissful, and satisfying marriages are proof that it is
possible. Just choose to be happy, and choose to be
happily married.
Yes, you'll still have to work at it. But the rewards are so
much greater than the effort. Besdies, being single and
looking takes effort; being divorced and looking again
takes effort. Spend the effort inside your marriage and
stay married. Happily married.

The 10 Secrets of a Happy Relationship

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com

Click here to ask Alan a question about your biggest relationship issue http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm

Get our free newsletter for relationship tips and advice http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/subscribe.html
©2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Beyond the G-Spot- Secrets of the Female Human Body & The U Spot

There has much been written about the G-Spot (named after its discoverer, Grafenburg). It is an area within the woman's vagina that, when stimulated, can bring intense pleasure.

Now due to the advances in non-invasive anatomical investigation with MRIs, CAT scanners, and other highly sensitive investigative instruments, the human form is revealing more of its secrets.

Secrets Of

Here we examine two newly discovered pleasure areas within the general area of the female genital zone.

Beyond the G-Spot- Secrets of the Female Human Body & The U Spot

The U-Spot.

The U-spot is a small area of highly sensitive erectile tissue located just above and on both sides of the urethral opening.

Some American clinical researchers have recently discovered this aera, and proved that if it was stimulated by caress, with the tongue, the head of the penis, or even a lubricated finger, it brought an unexpected and highly intense erotic response.

This is not the urithiral opening, but just above and to ether side of it.

There is no U-spot underneath the urithra towards the vagina. Care should be taken when attempting to stimulate it, and ask for feedback from your partner.

The Anterior Fornix Erogenous Zone (also known as the A-Spot or
T-Spot ,or just AFE)

Recently a Malaysian physician reported the existence of a highly sensitive erotic area just above the cervix, at the innermost point of the vagina. The cervix is a part of the uterus that extends slightly into the vagina.

As it so extends, it leaves a depressed circular area, technically called the anterior fornix. Tests have shown that pressure on this area causes the vagina to lubricate very quickly.

In fact, direct stimulation of the AFE zone can cause immediate and profound contractions only found in orgasm. Some anatomists say the AFE zone is really a evolutionary degenerated prostate, homologous to a man's prostate gland that would be located in just about the same place.

The AFE - Zone and Erotic Pleasure

Technically, the AFE Zone is a vortex of the nerves that carry information from your whole genital to the spinal cord and brain. These nerves, when stimulated, send arousal signals to the part of your nervous system which enhances engorgement of appropriate areas, ans is responsible then for sexual arousal.

This is also true for women that normally are not sexually responsive.
Obviously the most easy way to locate the AFE zone is to slide the fingers halfway up the posterior vaginal wall you will find a larger area than the G-spot, which is slightly rougher than the normal vaginal wall.

Recently specially shaped vibrators (long, then and with the neck bent in an oblique way) have come onto the marketplace which are meant for self-stimulation of the AFE zone.

Size Matters?

This is long-standing debate on the benefits or deficiencies of a large and long penis. In the case of the AFE zone, no matter the size of a man's penis, he must be experienced to find, and then stimulate the AFE zone.

For the man with a shorter penis, there are some advantagous positions to shorten the woman's uterous, and thus still find a way to stimulate the AFE zone as well.

The use of the advanced missionary, where the woman will have her legs drawn to her breast, with the man's arms both holding her legs apart, and suspending himself, will create, even if he is short and small of penile stature, complete penetration and stimulation of the AFE zone.

Due to small depression at its location, and roughness of the area, it also provides some intense pleasure for the man as well.

Beyond the G-Spot- Secrets of the Female Human Body & The U Spot

For More FREE Advice

On going beyond the G Spot and other free articles and downloads to nehance your sex life, visit:

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Is Dr Suzanne Gudakunst's a Scam or Does Her Program Work?

Dr. Suzanne Gudakunst is causing a great controversy due to her weight loss program: Top Secret Fat Loss Secret. Many people from all over the world have used this program, but many people suspect that it's not going to work for them and that it's indeed a scam. But what is the true answer? Is Dr Suzanne Gudakunst a scam artist or can her program really help you to lose weight?

The answer, I'm afraid, isn't a straight yes or no. It has to do with the reasons you gained fat in the first place. Dr Gudakunst's program is a detox type diet meant to flush out of your body useless waste which has accumulated all over you internal organs and unhealthy parasites which are infesting your colon and intestines, start multiplying there by the millions, and slowly make you sicker and fatter. While this can certainly cause someone to become sicker and fatter, it doesn't have to be the reason while you yourself got fat.

Diet Secrets

Take a good hard look at the way you lead your life. If you got fat by overeating, than perhaps a different diet will also help you to lose fat. However, if you're one of the many men and women who struggle to lose weight, feel that they do everything the should, eat right and exercises, but still can't seem to get those pounds to budge, than Dr. Suzanne Gudakunst's program may indeed help you.

Is Dr Suzanne Gudakunst's a Scam or Does Her Program Work?

The reason is that if you're actually infested with internal worms and parasites, than there's little that you can do in order to lose weight which will actually work until you become clean. That's where Dr. Suzanne Gudakunst's program can come in handy. So, Dr Suzanne Gudakunst isn't a scam artist. Her program works for many people (since we all have some sort of internal pollution). If you struggle to lose weight, it may be something worth using.

Is Dr Suzanne Gudakunst's a Scam or Does Her Program Work?

Click here to see read more about the Top Secret Fat Loss Secret Program.

John Davenport lost over 30 pounds in his twenties after being overweight most of his life. To read more about getting rid of bowel worms, click here: Dr. Suzanne Gudakunst - What's Her Story?

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How To Calculate Weight Loss Percentage

Losing weight can sometimes be a very difficult task, requiring a large amount of energy and a lot of motivation. Knowing how to calculate weight loss percentage can really be a morale booster for your rough times because your actual results can only encourage you to perform more of the taken actions - like jogging, dieting or others.

It can also help you stay on track and not exaggerate with anything, as we do know that anything done in excess can harm your body. It can help you set goals and achieve them step by step.

Diet Secrets

But how do we calculate weight loss percentage? Is it a difficult math task? No way! It's a pretty basic formula. First of all you'll need to remember your initial weight.
Secondly, you'll need your actual weight at this point.
Now, the formula goes like this:

How To Calculate Weight Loss Percentage

((IW-AW)/IW) * 100= weight loss percentage

In this formula IW is your initial weight and AW is your actual weight at this point.
It's not as complicated as it initially seems: practically all you do is subtract the actual weight from the initial weight and divide the number obtained by your initial weight. Multiply the result with 100 and you'll get the exact percent.

Now you can see that it's pretty basic - but opening a lot of possibilities. For example, you can measure your weight once a week and create an Excel table which instantly calculates the weight loss percentage for you. This can really help you keep track of your progress and can be a real motivation booster as I previously mentioned.

With this you can also create a weight loss percentage graphic - actually drawing your progress at certain points.

Well, if you fully understood how this works, you can conclude that now you know how to calculate weight loss percentage. If not, try to re-read the article more carefully.

How To Calculate Weight Loss Percentage

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Secrets on How to Get a Flat Stomach in One Week

Everyone wants to get a flat stomach in one week or so. There are times when we just want to look good, and fast. For instance, your friends invite you to stay at an island resort at the last minute. Obviously, you won't be able to get results overnight. However, the body is an incredible machine, and you can definitely beat the odds in as less as one week! Here's how to get a flat stomach in one week!

There are many ways you can get a flat stomach in one week. Know that several factors play an important role in helping you reach your goal. Look into your diet, some helpful exercises and things you need to avoid to achieve those flat abs you've always wanted.

Diet Secrets

Studies have shown that a lack of fiber in the diet is a cause for weight gain. You can introduce more fiber in your diet by eating more fruits, vegetables and whole-grains. Start by introducing a bit of fiber to your diet on the first day, then gradually increasing the amount to a recommended level as the days go by. Eating oats, beans and barley will help you lower down your blood cholesterol, which means you'll be able to achieve more desirable abs in a lesser period of time.

Secrets on How to Get a Flat Stomach in One Week

To get a flat stomach in one week have a balanced diet. Don't eat too much carbs! Sugars in carbs are easily turned into fat. Try eating more frequently but with smaller portions for each sitting. Doing this can prevent binges, and most of all, you will have more energy and burn it more efficiently throughout the day.

Don't forget to drink enough water. You'd want to avoid water retention. Contrary to popular belief, drinking more water does not make you bloat. In fact, doing so can wash off the excessive amounts of sodium from the body, which cause bloating.

Crunches alone aren't going to get you a flat stomach. Cardiovascular training is needed to enhance your blood circulation, so that you lose even more weight and stomach fat. If you do just strength training, you won't be able to lose that stomach in a week. Try something continuous, and do it gradually, like speed walking the first day, jogging the second day, running the third day, and so on.

After doing a cardiovascular exercise, do some strength training. What's great about strength training is that you get to burn calories even after you're done exercising. The best way to get a flat stomach in one week when it comes to strength training is to do it progressively. An effective strength workout is to do reverse crunches, side bends and trunk rotations. The more types of crunches you have the better.

Next, lower down your stress levels. When you are stressed, the hormone cortisol triggers your appetite and makes your body store more fat in your abdomen. Try yoga, which enhances your overall flexibility and reduces stress. Popular yoga exercises for the abs are the torso stretch and yoga crunches.

General tips you should follow to get a flat stomach in one week are improving your posture and setting daily goals. When sitting down, try to sit with your back straight. As long as you adhere to your daily goals, you're on the right track!

Secrets on How to Get a Flat Stomach in One Week

Have you had enough of belly fats? Are you ready to flatten your stomach fast and really look your best? Discover the Flat Stomach Fitness review on the truth on how to acquire a 6 pack abs. If getting a 6 pack abs is not enough, how about losing weight and burning fats throughout your body, along with getting a flat stomach? Check out our Top Fat Loss Guide Reviews now. Both resources are free.

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Secrets of Dog Training Professionals - Operant Conditioning

Have you ever wondered how really good dog trainers come up with the techniques they use to solve behaviour problems in dogs such as excessive barking, destructive chewing, toileting in the house and jumping up on visitors? Or how top dog trainers come up with ways to train dogs in top obedience and working competitions? Apart from a few "naturals", most really good dog trainers have a very good understanding of how dogs learn. They have adapted theory from the world of behavioural science and turned that knowledge into real-life practical skills for training dogs. This article explains in plain English some of the science and theory behind dog training, these really are secrets of the dog training professionals!

Operant Conditioning is the term that scientists use to describe what dog trainers call "training with consequences". That is, any training that involves a consequence that either reinforces or punishes behavior. There are 4 possible consequence types used in Operant Conditioning, and 1 non-consequence. These are:

Secrets Of

1. Positive Reinforcement: when we give a reward and the behaviour increases or is maintained as a result, we call this positive reinforcement (+R). e.g dog sits when asked, we give a treat. Dog learns to sit when asked in future.

Secrets of Dog Training Professionals - Operant Conditioning

2. Negative Reinforcement: when we take something unpleasant away and the behaviour increases or is maintained as a result, we call this negative reinforcement (-R). e.g we ask dog to sit, pulling up on collar, dog sits, we release pressure from the collar. Dog learns to sit when asked in future.

3. Positive Punishment: when we do something unpleasant and the behaviour is decreased or eliminated as a result, we call this positive punishment (+P). e.g dog goes to investigate kitchen bench for food, we make a sharp noise. Dog learns not to investigate kitchen benches for food in future.

4. Negative Punishment: when we take away something the dog wants or enjoys and the behaviour is decreased or eliminated as a result, we call this negative punishment (-P). e.g dog plays too roughly with another more timid dog, we leash rough dog and remove the opportunity to play. Dog learns not to play too roughly in future.

5. Extinction: when behaviour is no longer reinforced and it eventually goes away, we call this extinction. e.g dog is used to being allowed outside when he whines at the door, but is suddenly no longer allowed out when he whines. Dog learns not to whine at the door. Extinction sometimes makes the target behaviour worse before it gets better, sometimes significantly. This is known as an "extinction burst" and is usually a sign that the behaviour is about to diminish rapidly. In the current example, the dog might whine more often, more loudly, and for longer periods before learning that whining doesn't work for him any more.

Let's examine the terms more closely. Apart from extinction, you will notice four words that can be used in four different combinations. These are "positive", "negative", "reinforcement" and "punishment" and they are technical terms that scientists use when discussing Operant Conditioning.

"Positive" means to add something. We add the reward, or add the punisher. By contrast, "Negative" means to take something away. We take away the reward, or take away the unpleasant stimulus.

"Reinforcement" is when we increase or maintain behaviour. The behaviour happens more often, more intensely, for longer periods, or it continues to happen without reducing in frequency, intensity or duration. By contrast, "Punishment" is when we decrease or eliminate behaviour using consequence. We reduce the frequency, intensity or duration of the behaviour.

A common mistake is to assume that we have reinforced or punished behaviour when in fact in future we discover that the behaviour has not actually been changed! Many dog trainers believe that praise is an effective reinforcer. It may be, for some dogs in some circumstances. The truth is we don't know unless we see the behaviour that earned the praise increase or keep occurring in the future. The same applies to punishment. Yelling at a dog might stop it from going through your rubbish bin while you are there, but does it stop your dog going through the rubbish bin while you're not there? Probably not. A more effective approach is to use a more secure rubbish bin, or put the rubbish bin in a place which is inaccessible to the dog.

For more information, please visit http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/traininglevels/ for a Free program and e-book that shows you how to train your own dog, step-by-step, with the help of thousands of others using the very same program to train their own dogs.

Secrets of Dog Training Professionals - Operant Conditioning

Aidan Bindoff is Editor of http://www.PositivePetzine.com, a free ezine for people training their own dogs. Each edition has easy to use training advice based on positive reinforcement methods. Subscribers have access to a large archive of back-issues they can consult for just about any behavior or behavior problem.

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